Memories...
Have you ever asked God why you have to remember certain things? I do...why do I have to remember the painful things?
My brother has moved back to town after living several years in North Carolina. The last time I saw him was soon after my dad was killed three yrs ago...of course memories were stirred. I was reminded that I don't have a dad, at least not a full fledged one. I have one that wants to be...which is something else in my memory.
I will say that God sure does direct our paths. My mom wanted to take us out to lunch today and do you know where she picks? Perkins. The restaurant no one really eats at anymore because the service is terrible EXCEPT for one employee there. My "dad's" son. And guess what...he was working. He got to meet my brother and the question "how do you know each other" came up. I think I looked like a deer in the headlights, so graciously, he answered for us. He told them that we met through his mom and dad and at church. Whew...I did explain to my brother that his dad has been a dad to us the best he can. He said, "Wow..that's cool" My mom knows about the severed relationship with the dad thing and said some things that upset me, but I tried to not let it bother me. I just said, "It's something we are still praying for." Next, subject...:)
Sometimes I just want to go through life with only good memories...instead I feel like I'm constantly reminded of the dad I don't have. I am working very hard to not be envious of people I see with dads. But, I'll be honest, it's hard. My heart aches to have a hug, encouragement, love, celebrations, my son to have a grandpa he can hang out with and learn from, a Father's Day I can be joyful about, and to be a daddy's girl that I see so many other people have the privilege of being. They have no idea just how blessed they are to have that freedom.
Why God is allowing all this to happen is still a question for me. BUT, I know He is sovereign and that He does guide our path. I will continue to pray to be blessed in the way I have seen others if it is His will. I don't know what He has in store for me, but I know it will include heartache and joy together. No one goes through life without both...
My brother has moved back to town after living several years in North Carolina. The last time I saw him was soon after my dad was killed three yrs ago...of course memories were stirred. I was reminded that I don't have a dad, at least not a full fledged one. I have one that wants to be...which is something else in my memory.
I will say that God sure does direct our paths. My mom wanted to take us out to lunch today and do you know where she picks? Perkins. The restaurant no one really eats at anymore because the service is terrible EXCEPT for one employee there. My "dad's" son. And guess what...he was working. He got to meet my brother and the question "how do you know each other" came up. I think I looked like a deer in the headlights, so graciously, he answered for us. He told them that we met through his mom and dad and at church. Whew...I did explain to my brother that his dad has been a dad to us the best he can. He said, "Wow..that's cool" My mom knows about the severed relationship with the dad thing and said some things that upset me, but I tried to not let it bother me. I just said, "It's something we are still praying for." Next, subject...:)
Sometimes I just want to go through life with only good memories...instead I feel like I'm constantly reminded of the dad I don't have. I am working very hard to not be envious of people I see with dads. But, I'll be honest, it's hard. My heart aches to have a hug, encouragement, love, celebrations, my son to have a grandpa he can hang out with and learn from, a Father's Day I can be joyful about, and to be a daddy's girl that I see so many other people have the privilege of being. They have no idea just how blessed they are to have that freedom.
Why God is allowing all this to happen is still a question for me. BUT, I know He is sovereign and that He does guide our path. I will continue to pray to be blessed in the way I have seen others if it is His will. I don't know what He has in store for me, but I know it will include heartache and joy together. No one goes through life without both...
I know the dad thing bothers you a lot. I am in a very similar situation except I met my dad for the first time in 2008 and he let it be known that he didn't like me the way I am and even went on to insult me in several other ways. I truly believe that God kept him out of my life for good reason. Find joy in all of the relationships that you do have that many other people do not get blessed with, a loving husband - many people are single or abused, a wonderful child - many people will never be able to have children, siblings - many people are the only child, a mother who loves you, many people don't get a loving mom or a mom at all in some cases. You have so many blessings, don't let the things you don't have pull you down. I am praying for you :)
ReplyDeleteRachel, you done made me cry....thank you so much for reminding me of my blessings. I needed to hear this. Thank you for your prayers...
ReplyDelete