Pride and not picking up the pieces...
I've heard that when bad things happen and we seem to crumble, that we should "pick up the pieces" and move on...
I have discovered that I don't want to pick up those pieces...let me explain.
I am prideful. I think a lot about myself...well at least my illness anyway. It's a focus. It's become all about me. "I" hurt today...again, "I" am tired today...again, "I" am weak today...again, etc. "I", "I", "I"...it's not fitting for me or becoming in my mind to be that focused on "me." Of course it comes naturally to think of "me" when it's "my" body that is constantly reminding "me" of it's ails. But, it's become too much. I crumbled today...
And I don't want to pick up those pieces...Instead, I think I will leave them there on the floor. I will embrace the "new" me. One that looks soberly at the situation and has to learn the new "normal" of my life comes with limitations, but not defeat.
Myasthenia Gravis is not who I am. It's an ugly, at times debilitating disease, but it's not me. I am a child of God. I am a helpmeet. I am a mother. I am a friend....
I will use this ole weak body for the Lord's work in whatever way I can. I will not let this body use me in whatever way it can...I want my focus to be on Him and His kingdom, my family, my friends, and my home.
I realize this disease is not me, but a part of me that I have to learn to love.
I have discovered that I don't want to pick up those pieces...let me explain.
I am prideful. I think a lot about myself...well at least my illness anyway. It's a focus. It's become all about me. "I" hurt today...again, "I" am tired today...again, "I" am weak today...again, etc. "I", "I", "I"...it's not fitting for me or becoming in my mind to be that focused on "me." Of course it comes naturally to think of "me" when it's "my" body that is constantly reminding "me" of it's ails. But, it's become too much. I crumbled today...
And I don't want to pick up those pieces...Instead, I think I will leave them there on the floor. I will embrace the "new" me. One that looks soberly at the situation and has to learn the new "normal" of my life comes with limitations, but not defeat.
Myasthenia Gravis is not who I am. It's an ugly, at times debilitating disease, but it's not me. I am a child of God. I am a helpmeet. I am a mother. I am a friend....
I will use this ole weak body for the Lord's work in whatever way I can. I will not let this body use me in whatever way it can...I want my focus to be on Him and His kingdom, my family, my friends, and my home.
I realize this disease is not me, but a part of me that I have to learn to love.
Comments
Post a Comment