Trust...

My husband and I had a conversation about this this morning.  He had revealed to me that he thought that I didn't really trust him to lead our family.  Ouch.  It only hurt because after I thought about it, I think he might be on to something.  He asked me to do a simple thing this morning that I didn't really want to do and I let him know it.  It wasn't anything sinful. But, instead of just doing what he asked of me, I balked at it and complained.  We argued.  He wanted me to trust him in what he was asking of me and if I had a problem with it, to let him know nicely later after I did what he asked.  Sounds kinda barbaric, huh?  In fact in the argument, I called him a barbarian. ;)  Not very gentle...

He said if I trusted his leading of our family like I say I do, then I wouldn't question him on so many things and just do what he asks.  He's right. I struggle with being submissive at times, but it's what I desire and strive for.  But, I sometimes fail. Why is it so hard for me to trust his leading?  Fear.  Plain and simple.  Fear of him not leading how God is wanting, fear of him making wrong decisions, fear of him hurting me.  But, fear is from the evil one.  And believe me when I say that the evil one was coming against us this morning.  We stopped and prayed and worked it out and talked about trust.  I said I would trust him more.  Now this afternoon, God has given me another opportunity to trust his leading.  I wasn't quite ready to practice it so soon. ;)  He is making a decision in the next couple days that will ultimately affect me.  I have shared my desire, but ultimately he makes the final decision.  It may break my heart, it may bring my heart joy.  It's in his hands...all I can do is trust that God will speak to his heart in this matter and he will listen.  My answer would be yes, but I have to wait and see what the final answer will be.  Trust and patience...