Lesson 2 on biblical submission...
I will probably have two lessons a week. These are very convicting and need to be "mulled" over. They need to be put into practice and that takes time. So I will have two lessons a week. If you miss one, just go to the yellow tab on the right side of my blog under "biblical submission."
This particular lesson was very convicting for me. Please pray for me as I realize how important the "rib" is in a marriage.
A Modern Day Rib in Action!
THE HEART
A man's heart yearns for his wife, her acceptance of him, her respect and most of all, her unwavering love and devotion. The world could hate your husband, his boss and/or his job could be horrible, his co-workers could spend all day mocking him and telling him how inept and stupid he is. But if he has a wife at home that sees him in truth, warts and all, yet loves him unconditionally with God's agape love, it's amazing how the world no longer has any affect on his vigor.
On the other hand, if the world loves your husband and he is praised and respected at work and in social circles, yet does not have the unconditional agape love, respect and support of his wife, he will grow weary, and begin to fail at everything. He will lose his vigor and sometimes, look to find another "rib" to replace the one that seems to be missing - causing a hole in his body, making his heart vulnerable to attack so that his heart can no longer function properly.
As women, we see our husbands as strong and not needing our acceptance. We feel like because we are the "weaker vessel" it is more important that we receive praise, acceptance and appreciation from our husbands without realizing that he needs ours to survive. Yes, his very life depends on his wife's protection. That's probably why widows live longer than widowers.
This particular lesson was very convicting for me. Please pray for me as I realize how important the "rib" is in a marriage.
A Modern Day Rib in Action!
Yesterday we covered the make-up and the basic function of the rib. Where it is located on the man's body (by his side), the delicacy and strength of the rib and what it protects (heart and lungs).
Today we will discover what it looks like to be a modern day rib in action (in other words, a Biblically submissive wife living in a modern day world). And how this modern day "rib" protects her husband's:
Today we will discover what it looks like to be a modern day rib in action (in other words, a Biblically submissive wife living in a modern day world). And how this modern day "rib" protects her husband's:
- Heart: his very life-blood, which is his vigor
- Lungs: the air he breathes in and the air he breathes out
THE HEART
A man's heart yearns for his wife, her acceptance of him, her respect and most of all, her unwavering love and devotion. The world could hate your husband, his boss and/or his job could be horrible, his co-workers could spend all day mocking him and telling him how inept and stupid he is. But if he has a wife at home that sees him in truth, warts and all, yet loves him unconditionally with God's agape love, it's amazing how the world no longer has any affect on his vigor.
On the other hand, if the world loves your husband and he is praised and respected at work and in social circles, yet does not have the unconditional agape love, respect and support of his wife, he will grow weary, and begin to fail at everything. He will lose his vigor and sometimes, look to find another "rib" to replace the one that seems to be missing - causing a hole in his body, making his heart vulnerable to attack so that his heart can no longer function properly.
As women, we see our husbands as strong and not needing our acceptance. We feel like because we are the "weaker vessel" it is more important that we receive praise, acceptance and appreciation from our husbands without realizing that he needs ours to survive. Yes, his very life depends on his wife's protection. That's probably why widows live longer than widowers.
"While women who lose their husbands often speak of feeling abandoned or deserted, widowers tend to express the loss as one of "dismemberment," as if they had lost something that kept them organized and whole. The Harvard Bereavement Study, a landmark investigation of spousal loss that took place in the Boston area during the late 1960s, reported that widowers often equated the death of their wives with the loss of their primary source of protection, support, and comfort. This went to the very core of their overall sense of wellbeing.(emphasis added)~The Encyclopedia of Death and Dying
One of the common habits we've grown accustomed to is nagging and quarreling with our husbands because we're sure we're right and they're wrong. While this may be true from time to time, nagging and quarreling is un-Biblical and contributes to "sucking the life" out of your husband, while feminizing him, causing him to "cave in". And with no protection from the rib, it's expected that a man's heart would cave in from all the pressures he faces daily. This is viewed as such a horrid thing in the sight of God that He has King Solomon mention it twice! (Proverbs 21:9 and 25:24).
THE LUNGS
A man depends on his lungs to breathe in air to provide oxygen to his heart, as well as exhaling air to remove carbon dioxide.
The rib was made to protect a man's lungs, so the man can be healthy and strong.
As wives, we are to protect the air our husbands breathe in and protect the air he breathes out. That means we protect our husbands atmosphere by prayerfully, truthfully and lovingly making our homes a place of restoration, peace and comfort for our husbands. As Biblically submissive wives, we ought to intentionally set out each day to bless our husbands with our words and acts of kindness. (Applications will be included in tomorrow's post)
We also need to actively protect the air our husbands breathe out. Just like us, our husbands are not perfect and will from time to time say something unkind, harsh or inappropriate to us, our children or to others. In the case that he speaks unkindly, harshly or inappropriately to you, with gentleness and love, tell him he's hurt your feelings. But this conversation should only take place in private. If it happens in public, simply say,"I'm sorry what I've done/said frustrated you. Please forgive me. What I can I do to help you?" Then prayerfully consider when God will provide you the time to speak with him privately. If your husband did not speak to you inappropriately, but did hurt your feelings, consider if what he said was an actual sin or a personal offense. If it was the latter, prayerfully consider overlooking the offense rather than expecting your husband to always behave in a manner which is pleasing to you - as I'm sure this is a great burden none of us can bear...that's why we have Jesus!
Speaking privately to your husband after much prayer, is always recommended over disrespecting him by publicly reproving him.
When others witness his unkind, harsh or inappropriate language, and they come to me to tell me how I "deserve better" or encouraging me to "stand up" for myself, this is what I say:
Here's a little personal story about this (optional reading):
I've carried this so far as not even tolerating other men to coarsely joke about my husband to me, as men so often do. Men often put each other down as a way of relating to one another, which is fine as long as they keep it amongst themselves. :-)
There was a time where the men who volunteered with my husband at our old church would say, "We always tell Jim how he married up! How in the world did a goofball like him get a wife like you?" I didn't answer very kindly, I said, "Well maybe you'd have a wife like me if you weren't such a jerk and more like my husband!" They told me it was just a joke and I told them that I didn't find any derogatory comments about my husband funny. I told them I have a great sense of humor, but I will never have a humor for that.
Later they went to my husband told them what happened and how I "jumped down" their throats when really they were just trying to pay me a compliment. He laughed and told them, "Yeah, she'll do that. She takes being my wife seriously. I'll talk to her."
My husband did speak to me about it and requested I not do that because they were only joking and really, they were just trying to pay my a compliment.
I responded with a great big smile, gentleness and love which I know was pleasing to God (because I'd already been in much prayer about this, I was prepared). I said, "I love you darling. And because I love you, I am respectfully declining your request. You see, what you just asked me to do was sin against God. You asked me to stop being what He commanded me to be as your wife. And I won't do it. I love you enough to strive to be the wife God created me to be. If the guys don't like it, I highly suggest you tell them if they want to be on good terms with me, they'll have to only say good things about you, or say nothing to me at all. God made us one and if someone puts you down, they're putting me down as well and I'll never see that as a compliment."
My husband smiled and laughed, then said, "You're right, I'll tell them." He did and they never did that again. As a matter of fact, they would come to speak to me often about what a blessing my husband has been to them. They'd tell me about the encouraging emails and funny jokes he'd share with them to bless their days.
It turned out to be a great blessing to me too, as I discovered more about what my husband does and how God uses him when I'm not around. I'm so grateful to know these wonderful things about my husband!
(Thank you Sunny for the lesson)
THE LUNGS
A man depends on his lungs to breathe in air to provide oxygen to his heart, as well as exhaling air to remove carbon dioxide.
The rib was made to protect a man's lungs, so the man can be healthy and strong.
As wives, we are to protect the air our husbands breathe in and protect the air he breathes out. That means we protect our husbands atmosphere by prayerfully, truthfully and lovingly making our homes a place of restoration, peace and comfort for our husbands. As Biblically submissive wives, we ought to intentionally set out each day to bless our husbands with our words and acts of kindness. (Applications will be included in tomorrow's post)
We also need to actively protect the air our husbands breathe out. Just like us, our husbands are not perfect and will from time to time say something unkind, harsh or inappropriate to us, our children or to others. In the case that he speaks unkindly, harshly or inappropriately to you, with gentleness and love, tell him he's hurt your feelings. But this conversation should only take place in private. If it happens in public, simply say,"I'm sorry what I've done/said frustrated you. Please forgive me. What I can I do to help you?" Then prayerfully consider when God will provide you the time to speak with him privately. If your husband did not speak to you inappropriately, but did hurt your feelings, consider if what he said was an actual sin or a personal offense. If it was the latter, prayerfully consider overlooking the offense rather than expecting your husband to always behave in a manner which is pleasing to you - as I'm sure this is a great burden none of us can bear...that's why we have Jesus!
Speaking privately to your husband after much prayer, is always recommended over disrespecting him by publicly reproving him.
When others witness his unkind, harsh or inappropriate language, and they come to me to tell me how I "deserve better" or encouraging me to "stand up" for myself, this is what I say:
"Thank you for showing me your love. I truly appreciate you. But if you love me, I'm asking that you never approach me this way again. You see, I'm such a sinful woman, always ready to find fault in my husband and correct him that I really don't need any help sinning against God and my husband. So in the future, if you ever see my husband treat me inappropriately, please don't come to me about it or I may be tempted to sin. But show your love for me by praying for me instead. I don't need to stand up for myself because Jesus Christ has already stood up for me when He died on the Cross for me. He is my Defender, so go to Him, not me. Besides, I love my husband, just like Christ loves me - I'm imperfect and at times ungrateful and wicked. Thank you for your expressing your love for me. I love you too."Now that the foundation has been laid and we are well aware of the purpose in which God intended for wives since the Garden, we'll begin our next lesson by discerning the difference between submission and obedience.
Here's a little personal story about this (optional reading):
I've carried this so far as not even tolerating other men to coarsely joke about my husband to me, as men so often do. Men often put each other down as a way of relating to one another, which is fine as long as they keep it amongst themselves. :-)
There was a time where the men who volunteered with my husband at our old church would say, "We always tell Jim how he married up! How in the world did a goofball like him get a wife like you?" I didn't answer very kindly, I said, "Well maybe you'd have a wife like me if you weren't such a jerk and more like my husband!" They told me it was just a joke and I told them that I didn't find any derogatory comments about my husband funny. I told them I have a great sense of humor, but I will never have a humor for that.
Later they went to my husband told them what happened and how I "jumped down" their throats when really they were just trying to pay me a compliment. He laughed and told them, "Yeah, she'll do that. She takes being my wife seriously. I'll talk to her."
My husband did speak to me about it and requested I not do that because they were only joking and really, they were just trying to pay my a compliment.
I responded with a great big smile, gentleness and love which I know was pleasing to God (because I'd already been in much prayer about this, I was prepared). I said, "I love you darling. And because I love you, I am respectfully declining your request. You see, what you just asked me to do was sin against God. You asked me to stop being what He commanded me to be as your wife. And I won't do it. I love you enough to strive to be the wife God created me to be. If the guys don't like it, I highly suggest you tell them if they want to be on good terms with me, they'll have to only say good things about you, or say nothing to me at all. God made us one and if someone puts you down, they're putting me down as well and I'll never see that as a compliment."
My husband smiled and laughed, then said, "You're right, I'll tell them." He did and they never did that again. As a matter of fact, they would come to speak to me often about what a blessing my husband has been to them. They'd tell me about the encouraging emails and funny jokes he'd share with them to bless their days.
It turned out to be a great blessing to me too, as I discovered more about what my husband does and how God uses him when I'm not around. I'm so grateful to know these wonderful things about my husband!
(Thank you Sunny for the lesson)
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