Father's Day...

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This day is a hard day for me...it's also my "dad's" birthday.  There isn't much I can say. I am so thankful for the relationship we had.  It was true and real and loving. The time he was able to be a dad to me, I learned a lot about God the Father, life, and family. I just wish there was more time to learn more.  I pray he knows I will love him always and wish him a happy 61st birthday. I miss his words of wisdom, comfort, guidance, and love...and his hugs.

My step-dad was killed 3 days after my 31st birthday (4 yrs ago). I miss him, too. I miss his chuckle and his presence. I always felt secure when I was near him. 

I often wonder what my real dad is doing.  He doesn't want me or any contact with me. For no fault of my own.  I did nothing. Just was born. 

For some reason I have yet to discover (aside from God wanting to be my only Father) why God has allowed me to be fatherless.  Oh how hard it is to not have any comfort from a dad.  My heart still aches to have a dad.  God fills the cracks in my heart that life has put there. He is my Father, yes, but there is still a fleshly cry in my heart for an earthly daddy.  But, I swallow back the tears hard, and trust that God has allowed all this for a purpose. He must think I'm strong enough for repeated broken hearts.

The truth is I'm not. But, He is.

Comments

  1. M. ButterflyJune 20, 2011 at 9:58 AM

    I am sorry to hear about your loss. I have a similar situation-- my real father died when I was four, and my stepfather never wanted anything to do with me. It is SO hard to not have a dad, esp. to grow up without one. At least you have a wonderful relationship with God, and your son has a wonderful father. :) God bless you!

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