What we want...

What we want is not always best. What we want is not always what we want, but what others want for us. I've been doing a lot of praying lately about what I want. There was a part of me that thought God was wanting me to wear pants now. I got sorta excited because I wanted to fit in with the rest of my friends and wear pants like them too. I even approached my husband about it. He was apprehensive at first, but said if I wanted to wear pants, I had to have a mentor first. He didn't want me to fall back into how I was before when I wore pants. He wanted someone to keep me accountable. Well, I wasn't too keen on the whole mentor thing. And the person I asked wasn't too sure about it either. It is a big responsibility and they weren't sure they were ready for it. I decided to pray about it some more. I felt like God was wanting me to grow more and with pants I would really have to keep myself in check. I thought that's what he wanted. But, with more prayer and searching my heart, it seems that God wants me to keep wearing skirts, for now. I wasn't sure I liked that at first. I wanted to be like everyone else. I wanted to put jeans on and go on about my day. The problem with that is those clothes won't hold me accountable. Let me explain. There is an old fashionedness inside me. A soft, feminine side. There is also a rude, hard, rough side to me. This side I don't like so much. When I wear pants, that side comes out more. It's not like that for everyone. Most women can wear pants and be just fine. But, when I do, I sit different, carry myself different, act different. It's hard for other women to understand this because they can be feminine and lady-like in their pants. I can to a point, then I slide back into my hardness. On the flip side, when I wear my skirts and dresses, I am softer to my child and husband, I feel more feminine (even tho I still get dirty with chickens and gardening. I still like dirt. ) I sit nicer and I think more about what comes out of my mouth. My clothes hold me accountable. Now I still get down right dorky when I wear skirts. I act silly, sometimes too silly, but through this journey I have come to realize that I am not stiff or dead even though I wear a skirt. I'm still me, but a nicer, softer, kinder, goofy me. I accept this is what God wants for my life and understand that it's not for everyone. Women can still pull modesty off with pants, etc. Not everyone has to wear skirts like me. These are my convictions and I am happy with them. This is who I am. Goofy, modest, old fashioned, simple loving, me. I still have a lot to work on on the inside with God, but He loves me enough to keep the light on so I can grow. The inside of the flower pot needs a good cleaning! The cleaner the pot, the prettier the flower that comes out of the pot. To God be the glory.